President Barack Obama has made a lot of men and women in the service anxious over the future of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". During his campaign, then-Senator Obama made what sounded like promises to overturn the policy, but as it's been discussed before, these things take time - months, probably even years - to accomplish effectively. For some, it's simply not soon enough. But what should those in uniform serving under the current policy do to protect themselves until they can openly serve?
CAN I TALK ABOUT MY ORIENTATION?
Under the current rules, you may NOT be asked about your sexual orientation. Let's face it, in the REAL world, you're bound to trust someone else in uniform enough to reveal your orientation. That's a risk you may be willing to take with some of your fellow service men and women, but remember that doing so is technically in violation of the policy. Don't expose yourself to needless risks, especially if you discover your work environment could be hostile to you if your sexual orientation is known.
That does NOT mean you must put up with hate speech or any other type of inappropriate conduct. It's not a violation of Don't Ask, Don't Tell to inform a co-worker you disapprove of discriminatory language or jokes about "queers" and "faggots". You aren't revealing your sexual identity when you ask your co-workers to be in compliance with the military's justifiably tough standards on discrimination.
Your command can NOT ask you about your orientation, and you should NOT tell them. Period. Even if you are outspoken against hate speech or discriminatory behavior in the workplace directed at gays and lesbians. But remember that it is a two-way street. Don't accuse others of using hate speech if you use the same vocabulary.
It's sometimes considered fashionable for gays and lesbians to use words like "faggot" and "queer," but it sends the wrong signals in a military work environment. Setting a double standard is the least of your worries; if you raise a complaint about hate speech, someone may decide to try to use your own words against you. Those who lead by example don't need to worry about that.
WHAT PUTS ME IN VIOLATION OF DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL?
There are plenty of misconceptions about Don't Ask, Don't Tell. You may not, for example, march in a gay pride parade in uniform. This isn't a violation of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, but rather a violation of the same rules of conduct that prevent you from campaigning for a democrat or republican candidate in uniform. You CAN march in a gay pride parade in civilian clothes on your own time. You cannot be penalized for your associations as long as your conduct is above reproach. You can get into the same kinds of trouble marching in the St. Patrick's Day or Tournament of Roses parade as you can in a pride march--if your conduct is unbecoming, you should be prepared for consequences.
You can't be held in violation of Don't Ask, Don't Tell for reading gay-themed books or magazines, attending lectures, watching films, or joining clubs. You CAN get in trouble for bringing inappropriate materials to the workplace. Those rules are covered under different regulations, not Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
DOES KISSING IN PUBLIC VIOLATE DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL?
There's no good answer for this. An overzealous commander may see such behavior as a definite statement. Other commanders may dismiss such an incident entirely. Don't Ask, Don't Tell is written fairly clearly; "homosexual conduct" is not tolerated under the policy. Yes, a commander may decide such conduct is for them to interpret. Are you willing to risk putting your future in the hands of someone who feels the need to "interpret" your behavior? The shortest, safest answer is to keep your private activities PRIVATE.
Waiting out Don't Ask, Don't Tell is not easy, but it IS simple. Read the regulations, understand your rights, and keep working behind the scenes to promote tolerance and understanding.
